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Title: Three Questions to Heal a Marriage
Author: Dr. Deborah C. Bauers
Publisher: Holy Fire Publishing
Genre: Marriage
Copyright: 2005
ISBN: 0974521213
Pages: 115 pages
Reviewer: Lynda Schab
Available through:
Amazon http://www.amazon.com
Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/
Bookbyte.com http://www.bookbyte.com
Marriages are crumbling all around the world and, sadly, Christian marriages are not exempt; divorce is running rampant throughout the Christian community. That said, a book that attempts to introduce a new concept for holding together a dissolving marriage is largely welcomed.
Three Questions to Heal a Marriage, speaks to those contemplating divorce. Utilizing her years of experience in counseling unhappy couples, Dr. Deborah C. Bauers outlines three straightforward questions for husbands and wives to explore:
What is being shared?
What is being admitted?
What is being confronted?
These three questions serve to create a paradigm and are the foundation of this book.
The concept itself is unique and makes perfect sense. Sharing, admitting, and loving confrontation are keys to unlocking communication and intimacy in marriage. Dr. Bauers encourages self-examination, self-responsibility, and forgiveness--three vital aspects in any healthy relationship. The Bible is her primary source, and although age-old advice we may have heard time and time again, Dr. Bauers presents it in a fresh, new way, to coincide with the three questions mentioned above.
The first half of the book explains the three questions and follows "not-so-imaginary" couple, Brett and Sara, as they confront the issues prevalent in their own marriage, using the principles of sharing, admission, and confrontation. Each chapter is followed by notes, points to ponder, and questions for each reading couple to ask themselves and each other, the goal being to open up an opportunity for discussion. The last half of the book houses appendixes and more notes and references for the couple to work through together. A large portion of the second half of the book is a clinical manual--that is, a reference guide for the helping professional (assuming there is one). It is basically an overview of everything covered in the first half.
While the content and heart of Three Questions to Heal a Marriage, are good, the layout is a little confusing. Roman numerals are used throughout and tend to blend together. This reviewer had to reread a couple of times to get all of the points and their corresponding numerals straight.
Also, the fact that Deborah Bauers is a doctor is evidenced by her writing, which at times reads quite formally and sounds too clinical for the average reader. I found myself wishing for more emotion instead of facts; more stories and examples to go along with the advice. The questions at the end of each chapter helped balance this out a bit by allowing for couple interaction.
Dr. Bauers encourages readers to use this book as a tool, alongside of actual marital therapy. When used in this way, the principles of sharing, admitting and confronting can be used to its fullest capacity and worked through with the help of a trained counselor. In my opinion, this is the only way this concept will work, as I don't know that couples, on their own, could grasp and follow through with the suggestions made and advice given. With someone to explain each step and guide them through, this book has great potential to accomplish its purpose, which is to resolve unhealthy conflict and heal marriages.
In conclusion, if couples can get past the surface to the heart of this book, and open themselves up to sharing, admitting and lovingly confronting the issues they face in their marriage, they will have more than a glimmer of hope--they may just experience the healing and restoration they seek.
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